


A Friendly Wager

by hyphyp



Series: Tumblr Fics [2]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Bets & Wagers, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 15:42:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6158527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyphyp/pseuds/hyphyp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moneypenny and a Q branch minion make a bet about Q and Bond for some nail polish, among other things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Friendly Wager

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from [musicfire454](http://musicfire454.tumblr.com): "for the prompts could i have eve and the q branch minion better on when q and bond would get together only to find out that the couple had been steadily dating for months"

It starts out casually enough.  

One day Moneypenny is leaning against the doorframe to Q branch where she’s paused to watch Bond and Q bicker from a distance when a Q branch minion she vaguely recognizes sidles up to her. The minion is short and soft looking, with round hips and shoulders and a face like a cherub’s, a little beauty mark just beneath her left eye.  She has long, wavy black hair pulled back in a loose pony tail and is smiling warmly up at Moneypenny.

“Love your nail polish,” she says, gesturing to the dark red tips of Moneypenny’s fingers.

“Oh, thank you,” Moneypenny says.  She’s a little taken aback, but in a good way.  People at MI6 so rarely appreciate little things like nail polish.  “It’s called ‘Jezebel.’”

“That’s a fantastic name,” the minion says.  “I love nail polish names.  I have one back at home called ‘No Pre-Nup.’”

“No!” Moneypenny says, delighted.  “What color?”

“A light pink,” the minion says.  “What brand is yours?  I might need to snag a bottle.”

“Marc Jacobs.”

“Brand name,” the minion says, a little awed.  “That’s a bit pricy, isn’t it?”

Moneypenny is kept from answering by a shout from Q.

“It isn’t meant to explode!” he’s yelling at Bond, who has his hands stuffed in his pockets and is wearing a carefully adopted expression of boredom. “None of it is meant to explode! It shouldn’t explode, not anywhere, for any reason, ever!  Is that clear enough for you?”

Bond says something in return, too low for Moneypenny to catch, and Q throws his hands up in the air and lets out an inarticulate cry of frustration.

“Those two,” the minion says from Moneypenny’s side.  “Flirting again.”

“Flirting?” Moneypenny asks, intrigued.  She hadn’t thought anyone else had noticed the tension between the two (people at MI6 could be awfully obtuse for a bunch of spies).

“Definitely flirting.”

Moneypenny turns to face her fully.  “Eve Moneypenny,” she introduces herself, extending a hand.

“Oh, I know who you are,” the minion says, taking Moneypenny’s hand. “You’re the only one Q accepts food from without sniffing it and squinting suspiciously. I’m Rani Kapadia.”

“Tell you what, Rani,” Moneypenny says.  “I’ll bet you my bottle of Marc Jacobs nail polish that those two are sleeping together by the end of the month.”

“I give it two weeks,” Rani shoots back.  “Deal.”

 

* * *

 

Moneypenny and Rani make plans to get coffee together the next morning at the café where Q gets scones and tea on his way into work every day.  Their plan is to ambush him and subtly gauge how his relationship with Bond stands while Q is flustered and still un-caffeinated.  They sit at a secluded table in the corner and chat lightly about weekend plans until Q comes striding in.  They’re about to make their way over when Bond enters the shop as well.

Moneypenny and Rani freeze halfway out of their seats and watch as Q greets Bond with a roll of his eyes and Bond leans slightly into Q’s personal space to make some remark.  Q flushes bright pink and reaches up with both hands to rake through his hair and pull out the leaf that’s caught there just above his forehead.  Bond laughs loudly and Moneypenny and Rani exchange glances.

“New bet,” Rani says.  “The nail polish and that purse you had at the Christmas office party.”

“The blue one?” Moneypenny says.  “It’s one of my favorites.  What do I get in return?”

“Anything out of my closet and I’ll deliver all paperwork to Q for a week,” Rani offers.

Q is notorious for his habit of taking things out on the messenger (usually Moneypenny), especially when it’s to do with budget cuts or property loss.  MI6 suffers a lot of property loss.  Moneypenny weighs her options, examining the way Q is glaring up at Bond and Bond is grinning down at Q.  Q would never go for it himself, she decides, and Bond’s too much of a traditionalist to dive into a gay relationship with another MI6 employee, no matter what he does on missions.

“Deal,” she says at last.

 

* * *

 

The two of them eventually do manage to corner Q in an empty hallway that afternoon, as he’s coming out of the men’s room.

“Kapadia, Moneypenny,” he greets warily when he realizes his path has been barred. “To what do I owe the sudden, ominous, isolating pleasure?”

“Valentine’s Day is coming up,” Moneypenny says.  “And we were wondering if you had any plans.”

“With anyone,” Rani clarifies.

Q glances between them.  “No?”

“Do you envision making plans between now and Valentine’s Day?” Moneypenny asks.

“Is there, for example, someone you would be willing to make Valentine’s Day plans with, should they express interest?”  Rani asks.

Q squints at them the way he does when he’s worried the sandwich he’s just been handed is laced with something.

“Is the correct answer,” he hazards, “yes, with you two?”

Rani purses her lips in dissatisfaction.

“Exactly,” Moneypenny says, beaming.  “How does drinks at my place sound? We can watch Love Actually.”

Once plans have been made and Q hurries off with a worried backward glance, Rani turns to Moneypenny, glaring.

“Love Actually is a Christmas movie,” she complains.

“It’s a timeless classic perfect for any season,” Moneypenny says.

“And now he can’t make plans with Bond,” Rani continues.  “That’s cheating.”

“Is not,” Moneypenny says.  “But I’ll up the wager if you like.  I’ll throw in this pair of opal earrings I have – I think they would look so nice on you – in exchange for you replenishing my alcohol supply after Valentine’s Day.”

“Fine,” Rani says.  “I doubt we’ll drink that much anyway.”

“Ha!” Moneypenny barks.  “You only say that because you’ve never been out with Q on a Friday night.”

 

* * *

 

Their next task is to interrogate Bond.  It’s harder to corner a double oh, but he’s no match for Moneypenny, who makes it her business to know where everyone is all the time, and Rani, who turns out to be something of a tech genius herself, and they eventually trap him in an elevator as he’s headed down to the garage.

“I should’ve known this had something to do with you,” he says, giving up his angry button mashing as the doors slide open to reveal the two of them waiting.  “What do you she demons want?”

“I resent that,” Rani sniffs.  “I’m perfectly innocent.”

“Only by comparison, R,” Bond says.

“My name’s not R,” Rani says.  “It’s Rani. I’ve told you that a hundred times.”

Bond turns to Moneypenny, eyebrow raised.

“We were wondering if you have Valentine’s Day plans,” Moneypenny says.

“So you trapped me in an elevator?” Bond asks, making to step around them. “Next time just call.”

“More to the point,” Rani says, moving into his path, “we were wondering if you want to have Valentine’s Day plans.  With someone.”

Bond’s eyes glitter as he reexamines them and his lips stretch into a lazy smirk.  He opens his mouth to say something, but Moneypenny interrupts him.

“Just answer the question, double oh seven,” she says.  “With no innuendo.”

“Do you know, you’re the second person to say that to me today,” Bond muses.

Rani and Moneypenny cross their arms in near unison and must end up looking fairly intimidating because Bond raises his hands in surrender.

“I’m working on the fourteenth,” he says.  “M’s just briefed me.”

“But if you weren’t working,” Rani presses.  “Would you have plans?”

“I don’t see what business it is of yours, R,” Bond says testily, “but I suppose I might make some, yes.  Am I free to go now?”

The two women hesitate and then step aside, watching Bond as he crosses the garage to the Aston Martin and drives away.

“I want to raise the bet,” Rani says.  “But I don’t know what to wager.  Suggestions?”

“You work in Q branch,” Moneypenny hums.  “Can you get me the keys to one of those cars?”

“Maybe,” Rani says, biting her lip.  “But only if I’m in it when you’re driving.”

“That suits me just fine,” Moneypenny says.

“And in exchange?”

“I’ll get Bond to stop calling you R.”

 

* * *

 

Valentine’s Day approaches quickly.  Both Rani and Moneypenny are suddenly busy with an international incident in Bolivia, but they make time to spy on Q whenever they can.  They swivel their heads to stare at him whenever Bond’s name or number is mentioned, but either Q has a very good poker face or there really is nothing going on between the two men.  Bond is still gone when Valentine’s Day finally arrives a week later, halfway until Rani’s bet runs out, and she’s visibly concerned as the three of them leave Vauxhall Cross that evening.

On the tube, she ignores Moneypenny’s pointed glares and tries drilling Q for information, asking him questions about his ideal qualities in a partner and whether or not he approves of relationships between coworkers.

“I don’t mean to be indelicate,” Q says apologetically, “but if you’re asking for advice, I’m really not the right person.  I’m hopeless when it comes to romantic things, you see.  Totally oblivious.  Always have been.”

Rani stares at him openly and Moneypenny muffles her laughter in her scarf.

At Moneypenny’s flat they open a bottle of brandy and put in Pride and Prejudice, a compromise from Love Actually, which Q claims not to like (much to their duel horror).

“I don’t see the appeal of Darcy,” Q says during Darcy’s failed proposal.

“You don’t see the appeal,” Moneypenny says incredulously, “of a brooding, recalcitrant, enigmatic man who is absolute bollocks at expressing any feelings at all let alone those concerning love?”

“Exactly,” Q says, knocking back another glass of brandy.  “For all those reasons.”

Rani looks aghast, but that might just be because she’s never seen a human being Q’s size consume that much alcohol in a single sitting.

“You’re telling me,” Moneypenny says slowly, “that you see no resemblance between Mr. Darcy and James Bond?”

“Any resemblance…?” Q scrunches his face up in confusion.  “What does that have to do with anything?”

The doorbell rings and Moneypenny sighs as she gets up to answer the door.

“There’s not much of a resemblance, anyway,” Q continues even as she leaves the sitting room. “Bond isn’t enigmatic at all.  Not much enigma left when you’ve seen a man iron his tie while it’s still around his neck.”

Moneypenny is still registering this as she opens the door to reveal Bond, a bottle of champagne in one hand and a box of chocolates under his other arm.

“Evening, Moneypenny,” he greets cheerfully.  “Is Q there?”

Moneypenny blinks.  “Q,” she calls.  “It’s for you.”

Q appears around the corner, face lighting up when he sees Bond.

“I thought you were away,” he says, crossing in front of Moneypenny to kiss Bond on the cheek.  “You said you wouldn’t be back until next Saturday at least.”

“Let’s just say that the projected timeline exploded a little,” Bond says.  “I stopped off in Switzerland on the way back and got you some chocolates.”

“This had better not be an apology for something I don’t know about yet,” Q warns. He takes the chocolate box anyway.

“You two are together?” Rani asks as she joins them.  “You’ve been together this whole time?”

“What whole time?” Q asks at the same time Bond says, “For three months now. Do keep up, R.”

“I can’t believe you kept it from me,” Moneypenny says.

“Did I not tell you?” Q asks, genuinely perplexed.  “I could have sworn… Oh, well, I’m sorry Moneypenny.  I guess it slipped my mind.”  He looks from Moneypenny and Rani to Bond and then back again.  “You don’t mind if I…?”

“No, go ahead,” Moneypenny says dazedly.

Q gives both her and Rani a kiss on the cheek, thanks them for the evening, and then heads off with Bond, the flat door closing with quiet finality in his wake.

“Who wins then?” Rani asks.  “It was under two weeks.”

“I think we both lose,” Moneypenny says.

“Rats,” Rani sighs.  “I was really looking forward to having Jezebel nails.”

“Come on,” Moneypenny says with a fond smile, nodding her head back toward the sitting room. “I’ll give you a mani while we finish the movie. You can try on the opal earrings, too.  They really will look lovely with your eyes.”

Rani makes a sound of joy and bounds back down the hall, Moneypenny close behind.

 

* * *

 

Q and Bond descend the steps from Moneypenny’s flat to the street, arm in arm. Q has already opened the chocolate box and is wiggling his fingers over the first layer, carefully making his first selection.

“I’ll bet you an exploding pen,” he says distantly, “that those two are sleeping together by the end of the month.”

“Sorry, Q,” Bond says with a slight shake of his head.  “I’m not in the habit of making bets I can’t win.”

Q grins and pops a salted caramel in his mouth.


End file.
